Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Is it true what they say about you people?

Is it true what they say about you people?

It's true; it's true!

Madeline Kahn - Blazing Saddles -1974

Those Israelis can really fly an airplane! I'm not talking about super-competent Israeli Air Force (which incidentally boasts the largest F-16 fleet in the world outside of the US) and I'm not speaking of the faux Bogie Air Force which flies against US pilots in training and is made upalmost exclusively of Israeli ex-fighter jocks. I'm not even talking about the Israel Aircraft Industry test pilots who are renowned in the aviation world for being able to diagnose mechanical ailments in any Boeing or Airbus metal within the first 20 minutes at altitude.

No, the incredible act of which I speak is beyond the bounds of even these high level of skills. Let me set the stage:

I am flying to Israel on El Al from JFK after a hard day of travel on very little sleep. No sooner have I sat down, than I am fast asleep. I awaken during meal service and briefly mid-flight to check our progress, but for most of the time, I am non compos mentis.

Upon landing I make the discovery that is both scary and exciting:

When we took off from New York, I was too tired to turn off my battery powered devices (BPD's)!

Undeterred by this terribly dangerous turn of events, the El Al pilots were able to take off, navigate and land the airplane safely.

I'm not talking about something as benign as a digital watch (which, of course, fits the FAA description of a device that must be powered down for safe flight). No, we're talking about a cellular telephone and a handheld yahtzee game!!!

Please do not try this yourself! These pilots were super-professionals. It is not certain that a US flag crew would have been able to safely pilot their passengers and crew to safety under similarly dire circumstances.

That must be why the FAA has mandated that flight attendants country-wide manically roam the aisles during their pre-flight check scanning for reckless risk-takers sporting iPods, pda's and other killer devices.

Having stared into the abyss and prevailed, I must admit that the thrill-seeker in me is somewhat intrigued. I can't guarantee that I won't do this again. Who knows, I may even leave on a BPD intentionally next time.

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